I feel almost rejected....but I won`t give up yet!

Feb. 26th Friday

Today was a fun day with my mentally disabled kids` English class at my middle school. There`s only 2 kids so it`s a really relaxed fun atmosphere. Even the JTE (the Japanese teacher of English with whom I assist) was just weird and crazy. haha. We spent the class playing English games and then afterwards played on the giant yoga balls (or whatever those huge inflatable exercise balls are called)and lounged around. Haha. That was cool.

Feb. 27th Saturday

Today I was supposed to go to one of my high school teacher`s house to have lunch with his family because his wife invited me. I also teach his little baby boy at the nursery. Adorable and smart lil kid. His English is amazing! ^^ But I guess it helps that his parents also speak alot of it. However, I figured that it might not happen today since the high school`s graduation is the coming Monday so he might be busy. So instead, my supervisor and her family invited me to have shabu shabu lunch with them. I love her family, they`re so cute. From the first time I met them, I adored them, and was like "Yes, I can tell this is Su`s family." lol Her dad and mom really like me and think that I`m a good influence on Su. haha. I can cook, clean, drive her around everywhere, and compared to her, I have good fashion sense. =P So her family wants me to try and impart my style to her. LOL I personally love Su the way she is. She`s hilarious and an amazing friend here.

Anyways, we went to this Shabu Shabu restaurant that I thought was going to be tabehoudai (all you can eat) so I can stuff myself, but it turns out it was one of those order your own set places. And it was no ordinary set. It was a set where one plate of four slices of meat costs $36.00!!!!!! ONE PLATE, FOUR SLICES! $36.00!!! O.O!! I was like, "Damn, this is a freakin high class shabu place." I was content with ordering the cheapest plate of meat which was about $20.00/four slices cuz I didn`t want to be a rude guest and I didn`t want them to spend so much money on me since they`re paying. But her mom and dad were like, "One plate of meat is not enough, so let`s get one special plate ($36), one "moon" plate ($30), one "bamboo" plate ($28), and one sukiyaki set ($25)." WHOA. WHOA. That`s a lot of money for four plates of 16 slices of meat total. And this was just lunch! But you could tell the meat was very high end (I`m currently not remembering the English word for it). The most expensive one was very marbled and soft. All of the meat tasted delicious. But I still would`ve been okay with just plain all you can eat cheap meat...like the ones you can buy in grocery stores. haha. =)

I was fine with all this food already. And then, apparently, her family is used to drinking coffee after eating, so we ordered a thing of coffee each, and then ordered sherbets afterwards. These weren`t very cheap either. I tried to eat and drink everything slowly, savroing the flavor of expensiveness, of something I would never get for myself. But Su and her family just ate everything up really fast! lol I guess they`re used to eating rich. At the end of the lunch, I came to a conclusion: Su`s family is BALLER!! Yeah. Her dad is a tax collector and her mom works in an elderly care center in Asahikawa. But they seem to have a good life, and they`re well off... I was very appreciative of the food though. It was delicious.

Feb. 28th Sunday

Massive cleaning day. And then sat down to watch the last season of "Heroes".

March 1st Monday

I`ve been feeling pretty genki lately because of having been able to talk to Mr. Wonderful. But I wanted to leave him alone for a bit since he seems to be busy with things. So I decided to just mind my own business and let him talk to me when he can. After school today, though, he left to go help grab some panels to hang posters and stuff on for the elementary graduation ceremony. They asked us to help bring the panels in when they come back with them. So I did.

After all the panels were brought in and set up, Noso-sensei and I noticed that Mr. Wonderfurl`s fur on the hood of his jacket (oh Japaense guys with your fur hoods) was partially coming off. It was originally attached with buttons, but it apparently came loose. So we both said something to him about it at the same time and he tried to fix it himself which didn`t really work too well because he can`t see it. lol So Noso-sensei was like, "Theresa, go and fix it for him." Well, I said sure, but my heart was thumping a little because I had to get really close to him to fix it. It was right by his head after all. He`s a lot taller than I am, so he had to bend down a little for me to fix it for him. haha. He said "Thank you very much" to me which I responded, without being able to look at him because I was kind of embarrased, you`re welcome. And I missed my chance to talk to him afterwards because he was walking alone in front of my friends and I, and I decided to stay back to talk with my friends instead of talking to him. *sigh* I`m so stupid. Later, Yuki texted me and was like "It`s a good thing you were able to help him with his fur wasn`t it?" lol

March 2nd Tuesday

Hmm....today was an...interesting day. I was feeling damn genki. I taught my kids as usual and had an awesome fun lunch with my children with whom were very very talkative...and alot of it I really could not understand. They speak too fast in Japanese. haha.

After 5th period today I prepared myself to go talk to Mr. Wonderful about snowboarding. However, the snow was already melting, so I wasn`t sure if we would still be able to go. Yuki also worried for me. She told me that the best thing would be to invite him over to dinner...which I was a lil suspicious about. haha. Anyways, I got up my courage to ask him about it in his class. He was busy doing something and I felt terrible interrupting him. I was also nervous. But I went in there and asked him about the snowboard stuff. He said, "Oh yes, that`s right. The snow is kind of melting...why don`t we just cancel it, then? And, plus, I`ve been pretty busy lately." I answered, spitting these words out really fast since I was nervous, "Oh, yes, your busy? Then it`s totally fine. No worries. I`ll try on my own. Thank you!" "Sorry" "No, no problem!" And as I was backing out to leave the classroom, I turned a bit and hit the desk next to me and gave a surprised yelp and made a clang. It was pretty clumsy looking, I have to say. Mr. Wonderful asked if I was okay and I told him, "Yes! I`m fine! I`m perfectly fine!" and scuttled away... u_u; Man, that felt like a rejection...lol And even worse, I was not graceful with it.

*sigh* I felt terrible afterwards and wasn`t sure what to do...so I looked for Yuki to talk to about this. She was in the nurse`s office again so I went to go and talk to her. I told her everything that happened and she told me that the only thing I can do now, is invite him for dinner or stuff....which is really awkward for me. So we pondered on this stuff for a while. She said that, maybe, he already knew/noticed about my feelings. I am really obvious, she says. haha. Yeah, I`ve been told by people I`m really easy to understand and obvious... And by all the actions that I`ve done, it must be obvious. I prefer it if he kind of knew already. It makes things easier on me. And it shows him I`m acting weird and stupid around him because I like him, not because I`m normally like that...or am I? I then asked her if I should confess to him. She said I should because he`s leaving in 3 weeks and I will feel better about it too. I wasn`t sure if I should confess to him the day before he left or if I should do it next week. If I do it early and he likes me too, then we have some time to spend together. But if he doesn`t like me, it might be awkward at work because we see each other 3 times a week. I don`t want it to be awkward between us. If I confess before he leaves, if he doesn`t like me, then I won`t have to see him ever again! If he likes me...well, I don`t know.

I`m trying to lean on the more pessimistic side here with "maybe, he doesn`t like me" so that I don`t get my hopes up too high. I kinda have a feeling that maybe he really doesn`t have the same feelings for me. He`s just so much more mature like and he seems to be the type to go for older women or women who are more mature and lady like and graceful. I`m the more clumsy girl who likes to go have fun and have adventures and is far from graceful (I pop and lock and like to club ~_~) and I`m not yet ready to be so matronly yet. I don`t know. I don`t seem to be his type. But Yuki told me that you never know. That`s what I think, and not what he thinks. He could have a different mindset about me, you never know. So I am planning on confessing sometime next week in the evenings when I know he is alone at the school working until super late at night. It`d be awkward if there were other teachers around...

However, when I was about to go home, I decided I should go say thank you to him for trying with the snowboarding thing anyway. I didn`t want to give up just then from his earlier rejection. So I went in and told him thank you for trying and "If it`s possible, could you just give me advice and tips on riding the snowboard? I know you`re busy, so just when you have time and are able to. No rush" He said that yes, he would definitely try to get the stuff for me. And then I left. I felt a lot better after that talk with him. At least it wasn`t complete rejection of "no I don`t want to have anything to do with you.
March 3 Wednesday

Today I`m at the middle school, but I want to go to the elementary for a special ceremony they`re having today. It`s a ceremony for the 6th graders since they`re graduating and all the other grades are putting up some kind of show for them. Due to the unfortunate scheduling of my classes at the middle school I was unable to get to the elementary until 10:35 when it started at 10:15. But at least I saw a lot of it. I saw Mr. Wonderful too, but tried not to look at him. I was there for the kids. ^_^;

After that I was able to watch the ganbari happyokai that the elementary`s mentally disabled students put on. It was cute and they did such a good job! ^^ So proud of them! They even did a play in English! So proud, so proud. And then, due to unfortunate class scheduling again, I had to leave 10 minutes before it ended so I can get back to the middle school on time to teach the next class. Phew. It was frantic today. haha.

My 1st and 2nd year middle school kids are getting ready for the graduation ceremony for the 3rd graders today. Such busy lil bees.

I`ve been feeling oddly lightheaded lately. I`m not exactly sure what`s wrong and what`s going on, but it`s either my experiences with Mr. Wonderful that`s doing this to me, or other problems.... eh. But on the flip side, I am super genki lately, although tired. When I`m talking though, I`m super genki.

Otsukare for reading!