A Me That I Thought I Had Lost.

March 13 Saturday

So today I was invited out by Alan to go with him, Megan, and 2 other Asahikawa ALTs to go out for dinner. I spent the day doing absolutely nothing except lounge around and watch TV and eating...lol But at around 6pm I left my place to drive to Asahikawa to meet them. Well, it was blizzarding outside and I couldn`t see the road...so it wasn`t the most pleasant drive. But I got there safely, picked up Alan, and went to go meet the other girls at the train station. So we all piled into my little car-I`m assuming it was a lil tight in the back seat lol-and decided to go eat some soup curry.

OMG, this was like the best soup curry I`ve ever had. It was so delicious and wonderful and freakin spicy. It was so spicy I immediately started sweating upon having 2 spoons of it. lol But delicious regardless. I also really liked the decor. It had a bunch of post war memorabilia, like posters of old movies, bottle caps, and candy wrappers hung on the walls. It was so cute! The outside of it though looked just like a house. Like, seriously, it was even in the smack dab middle of the residential area. When my friends was trying to guide me to it, I was like..."Are you sure it`s here? Cuz it looks like it`s all just houses..." lol And it would not be allowed in the states. haha. But it was delicious and we had a grand old time of it.

Afterwards we went to karaoke at Oedo. And it was packed with people that night. But we managed to get a small room with the TV really close to us and with awesome decor. The interior looked like the set of an sci-fi action movie. The walls looked like they were made of grey rock tiles screwed in by large screws. The wall which held the TV actually had a black fence that kept you away from the strange mechanisms and electric wires on the other side. And there was an emergeny door that had caution tapes haphazardly pasted every where on it. We were, however, wondering if that was actually for real or if it just goes with the decor. But it was sooo cool! I love karaoke in Japan. haha.

We sang until midnight and I dropped everyone off and decided to head on home....at like 2am. Not so smart of me as I should have stayed at Alan`s and spent the night there instead of driving an hour in the blizzard home. I was already starting to feel sleepy halfway home and I was in a state of barely consciousness. In between heavy half-lidded eyes I could see that my car was drifting towards the left side a little. When I made myself fully conscious again I realized I was coming on to a snow covered side walk very fast. My car bumped up on to the sidewalk fast enough to cause my little kei (super light) car to almost flip over. And it freaked the hell out of me. But I was able to get it back onto the main road without any further incidences. Needless to say, that woke me up and I didn`t lose consciousness for the rest of the way home...=P

March 14th Sunday

Happy White Day!! Although I forgot to give people chocolate on Valentine`s day so I`m not expecting anything. haha.

March 15th Monday

Last day teaching my Sakura-gumi 5-6 year old babies. I love these kids and will miss being able to teach them because I don`t teach 1st or 2nd grade kids. Only 3rd and up. So I just basically played alot of games with them. That`s all I did with them that day. haha. Then, despite not having class at the elementary that day I still went and just sat in the teacher`s lounge minding my own work. However, at around 3pm, all the teachers and the 5th graders all gathered in the gym to help setup for the graduation ceremony this coming friday. It was actually pretty fun to work with everybody. But kinda tiring and my arms got a pretty good workout from carrying 4 heavy chairs (the kind you can fold up to put away to save space) down from the second floor to the gym about 3 times. The walk`s quite far and the chairs were really heavy. My biceps were pretty sore afterwards. =P

I was also able to see Mr. Wonderful. Although we didn`t really talk too much because we were both busy helping the kids setup stuff. Although in the end when he came closer to me after we all finished with our work and the kids went home, I asked him about his cell email address. I couldn`t send him a message because it didn`t work. He said, "Yappari, it was a hypen and not an underscore..." I told him that it was okay and to just tell me his email when he can. He said he couldn`t go out to dinner tonight either, even though I didn`t ask him that. But I could tell he was sorry. I took it really casually and just told him it`s no problem.

Actually, I`ve been feeling pretty casual about the whole thing lately and my confidence in myself has gone up. I no longer flutter and forget things when I`m around him and am able to speak properly and with strength in my voice (not the meek lil thing that I do around Japanese people). It`s all thanks to my wonderful friends` support and belief in who I really am that I feel super proud to be the me I am now. So in my mind and heart, when I`m talking to people now, I talk with confidence and strength and pride. I like who I am, and if other people don`t like me for myself, then they`re not people I need to focus on or particularly befriend. So same goes for Mr. Wonderful. As great and wonderous as he is, if he doesn`t like me for me then I was not meant to date him. Even if he rejects me when I confess, I feel like it`s not going to be so bad because it just meant that he`s not the guy for me at the moment and I`ll either find someone better or there might be a chance with him in the future if I can stay friends with him. So yeah.

March 16th Tuesday

Today I just spent the whole day at the elementary school, playing with my kids and making cookies, cakes, donuts, pudding with my 6th graders. Today was their mini at school graduation party. They invited all the teachers to the music room and had tables and chairs set up with all the amazing sweets that these kids had made on top. It was so much fun and the sweets were delicious. I was so proud of them. The kids sang a very cute song at the end and the kids were so funny too. Loved them, but then again, they`re wonderful like that every day.

After all that was over and I went back to the teacher`s lounge and then I decided to go find Mr. Wonderful to address the not being able to message him and whether or not he would like to have dinner Wednesday night. So I went into his classroom with assurity and confidence and genkiness and was able to talk to him normally, like I talk with my friends. I spoke to him mainly in English, so here we go: "Mr. Wonderful? Sorry for interrupting you, but are you still okay for dinner Wednesday night?" "Ah, that`s right. Hmm...." (he was trying to figure out if Wednesday was ok or not) Me: "You still don`t know yet?" "Yeah, sorry." "No problem. Hmm...how about if you message me about tomorrow whether you can or not? And if you are too busy tomorrow night then we can always go for lunch on a weekend or something. Just message me about it." "Oh okay! Oh, but could you write down your cell email address again? I`m sorry, but I lost it." "Yeah sure!" (He handed me a piece of paper to write on and we were silent for a while as I wrote.) I told him, "I tried messaging you, but it didn`t go through last time." "Oh yes, then it really must`ve been wrong then. Sorry about that." "No worries. So if you can email me, then I can just find your address via that." "Yeah, I will. My email address starts with a `maestro` so when you see that, it`s from me." "Alright! Then I will wait for that email. Thank you!" "You`re welcome." And I turned and walked out of the classroom.

I have to say, I felt pretty good with that convo because I was able to talk to him without blanking out for the first time and with casuality. haha. =P Now, whether he actually texts me about dinner Wednesday night is another thing. He might pull a "Oh sorry, I was busy and was unable to go out and kind of forgot to message you" on me and then I think I might get the hint from that, although I dislike it when people keep postponing things instead of directly saying "I don`t want to go." It may sound like you`re being nice, but trust me, it actually hurts more than saying it directly because one keeps hoping instead of knowing.

So after that I went to the nurse`s office to chat with the nurse (not Yuki, but equally wonderful to talk to) I got roped in to helping her finish her graduation banner for the 6th graders. Actually, 10 minutes in to helping her she said she had to leave and asked if I could just do what I can and continue cutting the paper sakura and pasting them onto the banner. I like arts and crafts stuff, so I was more than happy to help. But then I realized afterwards that I think I might`ve been used. haha. I knew she wanted to go home, but couldn`t until she did majority of the banner. So she left the rest up to me. haha. I didn`t mind, I actually thought it was funny. Yuki was going to help me as well, but ended up having to go home early so wasn`t able to help at all. haha. She apologized though. =P So in the end, it was just me in the nurse`s office on my own cutting 50 something sakura flowers and pasting them on to the banner. Actually originally I was cutting them one by one, then thought what a waste of time it was to cut them one by one like that, so folded up all the paper and cut out about 100 of them after 6 cuts. Then pasted, and finished within an hour, whereas I think it would`ve taken me 3 hours without the folding....lol

Tonight was the BOE casual dinner at the best BBQ/Yakinku place in town. I got there right on time, thinking I`d be late. And I get there, and no one`s there....But after a little bit my predecessor came in and the others soon followed. (My pred`s here for a week and actually left this [Wednesday] morning). We had a wonderful and super fun dinner that lasted quite a while. Then afterwarads went to go to the bar next to me apt for drinking and karaoke. That was hilarious actually. The guys started dancing to songs and singing all weird and then everyone tried to translate the song as we sang...that was pretty funny. Anyways, a good night, but I smell like Yakinku and cigarettes...eww... I need to wash my jacket somehow...get rid of the smell. >.<

So here`s to hoping that Mr. Wonderful will somehow contact me about dinner or lunch or something. And then I can finally know what`s going on. If not, then maybe he`s not the guy I`m supposed to date...heh.

Otsukare for reading!